Sharing in a Digital Age
Hello everyone. It’s been a while!
It’s still early to figure out the many meanings of 2020, but if there’s something I can be certain of, is that I’ve had plenty of time to ponder about my life. I wonder if you feel the same?
Many weeks ago, I started re-reading all my blog posts in order to gather some content for my Instagram page, and one of the main things I noticed was that I really do share a lot about my life. A LOT! I mean, I even wrote a whole post about why that is. Which still stands, by the way. But I couldn’t help but wonder…why do I really share so much? Why, for example, do complete strangers get access to private information about my life at the same time as my very best friends? I instantly felt there was an issue with boundaries, but also with affection and validation. Which is not really news to me, but I stumbled upon this nuance, and felt it would be a good topic to write about and resume some of my communication with the world at large.
Around the same time, I came across a post from Noma Dumezweni, a British actress, who was pondering about cancel culture and its generational divide. She reflected on people who grew up with just pen and paper and how there was something about considering and rethinking what one wanted to express beforehand, whereas nowadays, a person can reach up to tens, hundreds, or thousands of people in seconds without any kind of filter. This makes up for a completely different neurological connection in our brains, where if we want to say something, we have the platform and ability to do so with a much wider audience than before. And often without consequences. This got me thinking about my own acts of sharing, and how much I engage in this trend.
Also, I’m a therapist. I am completely familiar with the ease and power that comes from telling something very private to complete strangers. Clients do that with me all the time, and I’ve done the same with my therapists. Strangers, even though they can judge us with great disregard and malice, are also just that: strangers. However, being judged with disregard and malice by someone we know and care about is significantly more difficult to cope with. Sharing something deeply private with a loved one, paradoxically requires more courage than sharing it with the rest of the world on the internet. And this also got me thinking about praise and validation.
I have spent many years guiding clients through the murky waters of their minds, and the human mind in general. Negativity is much easier to take in and to accept. Positive thinking is difficult, because it is somewhat unnatural. Remember, our primitive brains developed around survival instincts and fear. It’s only after thousands of years of evolution that our brains developed other functions, such as emotions, rational thought, and yes, positive thinking! Unfortunately, it’s always down to the quantity. I used to tell clients that for every negative thought they had, they needed at least 3 positive thoughts to counteract that! And then last year, I read an article that updated this technique to 7 thoughts!! 7 positive thoughts per 1 negative thought! Being positive is hard work! And so, it’s easy to see how telling something private to a group of trusted friends won’t gather as much praise or validation as it does to write a long post on Instagram or Facebook and see the comments and likes go up. There’s nothing quite like the high that comes from being liked or validated.
My main point here, however, is simply this: there’s nothing at all wrong with sharing private events or thoughts or feelings online. All I am questioning is the motivation behind it, and its potential impact on the real-life relationships we have. Because one thing is sharing something with a large audience we can’t see. Quite another thing is to do it in person, with people we care about. Are we also sharing that way? Are we taking the time to sit down with our own friends, loved ones, even family, and sharing with them our deepest fears, as well as joys? Are we neglecting our real-life connections in favour of our online connections?